Part 2 of 7 … Will There Be Ground Rules?
Ground rules were debated for the merging of two rivers… my life as a writer and wife with the life of my daughter and her family as they faced the chaos of cancer and the loss of her husband to Acute Myeloid Leukemia.
Rules: We were not to discuss ‘options’? The options on the table were theirs and they didn’t want to be challenged. Please do not discuss these things with our children; we will talk to them. Please just be there and witness and give a pass to the trivial and, at this point, everything is trivial, mom. Nothing is worth a sharp word, rolled eyes, or scolding. Everything is just temporal. Please just be there for me and my family.
In my heart: Of course!
In my head: I just finished a lifetime project to restore, remodel, and repair my home. Four floors. New paper, paint, freshly restored 140-year-old wood-work, vintage wallpaper, dusted, cleaned, decorated. A place for everything and everything in its place. Oh my!
In my heart: Of course!
In my head: I have anxiety to the point where I can feel panic if I don’t feel in control of my surroundings.
In my heart: Of course!
In my head: Past summers have been peppered with explosions, accusations, defense, tears, and acrimony. I can’t deal with… I don’t want to deal with… What will I do if… ? The idea of a summer of confrontation was overwhelming. Anxiety levels climbing.
In my heart: Of course!
Finally ground rules were amended, massaged, and agreed upon. Plans for our fiftieth anniversary were put on the back burner without thought, projects left unfinished in the basement flat were completed, the house was made ready for our daughter’s family.
Jan – Having enjoyed the company and hospitality of your home and family last summer I can simply state it was wonderful. Yes tears, (some mine) and stress but there was an amazing environment of love and care. Also I’m sure you still have projects going on that beautiful house. Peace & Love. Michael