Ugly Duckling to PhD – Part 3 of 5

Advice following notification of my Jack Kent Cooke Undergraduate-Transfer Scholarship –

            “Now that you have options, you should apply to Pacific University They are pricy but have a great creative writing program.”

“But applications are closed.”

“Tell them you’ve got a scholarship.”

I called for an appointment. The next day I drove 90 miles to Forest Grove, Oregon, found the right office, presented myself and my JKCF information and an hour later, I was accepted as a student and was awarded another scholarship. I drove home in shock. These kinds of things don’t happen to me. But they did.

Next up was what to study. Okay, if you put a feast before a dying man, he may eat himself sick. If you put a university catalog in front of me, I can’t help myself. I go a little bonkers. I signed up for a triple major. Yep! I asked and they said it had been done once before, but it was difficult. I asked if it was allowed and again, they said it was allowed but difficult. I signed up for Art, Creative Writing, and Literature.

I was assigned a student counsellor. Of all the ones listed, he was the only one I didn’t want as I didn’t think we’d be a good fit. Guess what? He was and we weren’t. After telling me that since I read drivel (Harry Potter) I would probably not be a good fit for Pac U, I changed counsellors. Fortunately, not all thought the way he did. I took a class studying Shakespeare taught by Professor Pauline Beard, an amazing woman and mentor. I asked if I could compare aspects of the Bard’s plays to works by JK Rowling. When studying Hamlet, I compared the hidden meaning behind Ophelia’s bouquet to that of plant use in Harry Potter. It was my contention that Ophelia wasn’t mad as in crazy, she was royally pissed off and all the evidence was right there in the flowers. NOTE: Before I left three years later, the English Department listed Harry Potter as required reading for incoming Freshmen! She who laughs last…

But life wasn’t all roses. Arriving early to my first class, I was mistaken for the teacher by the professor. At the end of said class, Critical Theory, I felt I had better fess up before things got ugly. I approached instructor and said, “Prof. Steele, I’m not sure what to do. I sat here for an hour and I know you spoke because I watched your lips move but I have absolutely no idea what you were talking about.” Bless his heart. He just smiled and said I’d be just fine, that he likes to throw his students into the deep end to begin. I have to say that fourteen years after the fact, I am still having epiphanies from that class.

My second year on campus, began with tragedy. Two weeks into the semester, my mom needed surgery. I flew from Forest Grove to Boise to be with her and my sister. When the doctor arrived in the waiting room and said he had unexpectedly found cancer, I asked if he had gotten it all. His answers were unsatisfactory – Taking it all could have killed her, so it became a wait and see with more tests. I flew home three days later, expecting to return in two weeks. Unfortunately, five days later my sister called just after my husband left Forest Grove to return to Astoria for his work week. When my sister delivered the news, I felt like a giant claw had just scooped out my insides and left an ugly black hole.

“I don’t know how to be Jan without my mom.”

As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I was ashamed. What a terrible thing to say about mom. If she didn’t teach me how to be me, then she hadn’t done a very good job and she was the best mom ever. Encouraged to reduce my case load at school, I dropped down to two majors. Two weeks later, I went back into the registrar’s office and worked my way past raised eyebrows and offers of condolences. I not only could do a triple, but I had to do a triple, and I was going to do it for my mom.

I’m sure she was proud when she watched me walk across the stage in cap and gown and receive a Bachelor’s Degree in Art, Creative Writing, and Literature with the distinction of Magna Cum Laude.

I moved back to Astoria and two weeks later flew to Massachusetts to start a Master’s in Fine Arts at Lesley University.