Ugly Duckling to PhD – Part 5 of 5

I believe I left you hanging?! Sorry about that, I ended with:

Then all hell broke loose — again.

My life is a dramedy – a comedy of errors some would say. But as I look ghastly with red swollen eyes, I’d rather try to find something positive, some lesson to be learned, some nugget of wisdom I could pass on. I mean, with that last sentence and a package of seeds, one could grow a beautiful garden.

Seriously, I figure that if I’ve got to walk this path, I might as well do it with panache.

2012 – Preparing to leave for The Continent.

• My passport was in order, but I needed a student visa. The only issue is that after fifty years of typing and a gloveless run-in with cement, I have no recognizable fingerprints. The normal loops and swirls disappeared after the concrete. It was curious to see fingertips as bald as a baby’s bum. They had grown back but they were crazed and unreadable. In three years of international coming and going, my fingerprints were never readable. Good thing I look honest.
• Next, my husband damaged his back in a bad fall and was unable to travel.

“Okay, then I won’t go.”

“You have to go. This is your dream.”

“I’ve been across the US alone, but the other side of the world is a different matter. I’m not going by myself and I can’t leave you here alone.”

“You need to go, and I won’t be alone. The kids will be here.”

• Up next was a phone call from my sister two weeks before I was to leave. Dad died. I’d just seen him a few months previous and we were good. I’d visited every month or so since mom passed.

“I can’t go. I’m an orphan.”

“Yes, you can. He’d want you to go and you can’t do anything here anyway.”

• I didn’t have housing as I was certainly not going to room in a dorm with 12+ young twenty-year-old’s. I finally called the English Department and said that I was not coming without a place to stay, my husband would be coming along shortly (I still had hope), and I didn’t fancy pitching a tent on the common. I will bless Julie to this day. She left her office, walked across campus, and parked herself at Accommodations until she had housing for me. I later became great friends with the housing director.
• After twenty-two hours of travel on two airplanes, a bus, three trains, and a taxi, I finally arrived at my accommodation … only to find that I had no internet, no food, and no toilet paper. Lol. Seriously, it wasn’t a laughing matter but again the Lord provided. This time in the form an across-the-hall-neighbor, Tao, and her Downs Syndrome baby boy, Kai. After tears were dried and I’d called home on her internet connection, I received a hug and kiss from Kai (Tao was just as surprised as I at his demonstrativeness toward a complete stranger) and I walked across the hall with a roll of toilet paper. Fortunately for me, some kind soul left bedding as my “Student Essentials Packet” never arrived. The next day Tao got me “sorted” with groceries, internet, and a tour of downtown Aberystwyth. I was set to start my Ph.D. in earnest.

What shall I say about my Ph.D. experience?

• Honey and large helpings of patience help in any endeavor.
• Oh, yeah, and learning to take responsibility and say you are sorry.
• Volunteering to help is a good thing. I served as lead in the 2014 PG annual conference on literature: The Stories We Tell Ourselves.
• And, thank you … learn to say thank you in Welsh if you are living in Wales (or in whatever language in whatever country you find yourself). It doesn’t matter if you mispronounce, it matters that you try. Diolch yn fawr – Thank you very much.
• Smile and develop a cadre of good friends and meet weekly to share a cuppa, a meal, or a cookie.
• Listen and learn to ask questions, lots of questions. This time, this experience is fleeting.
• Learn to leave your comfort zone. Take trips, physically and figuratively.
• I met people from all walks of life – janitors to the famous. I met people who were Wiccan, Church of England, and who didn’t profess any religion. Scot, Irish, Gypsy, and made a friend from Zimbabwe.
• Experience life. I attended a Druidic Samhain ceremony, researched a witch, interviewed and published articles on a nature artist and a NYT bestselling author.
• I arranged to meet an anthropologist regarding a skeleton unearthed within Aberystwyth Castle and “Charlie”, as he was dubbed, became an integral character in my novel, Stand In Stone.
• I made friends with different cultures, countries, and gender identities. Some of these things are normal for today’s young but for a borderline baby-boomer, my world expanded beyond recognition, and I like to think I was the better for it.
• Gaining a Ph.D. encompassed some of the highest highs and lowest lows in my life. Many times I doubted my ability to continue. I experienced a shoulder surgery and a foot reconstruction as well as a hospitalization for what was diagnosed as a heart attack. In the US, I found it was anxiety related. I must learn to control my anxiety by giving up control! There’s a quandary!

I am asked occasionally how I accomplished a Ph.D. and the answer is simple – When you wake up in the morning, do what needs doing. Dreams will remain dreams unless they become your goals and goals only happen if you write them down and choose to do something each day. It can be little – a few words, a smile, a phone call – or it can be big – a chapter, an engagement, a degree. I always figured that I’d grow old and as long as I was going to do that, I felt that I should accomplish something along the way. And, if I can, you can too.

Remember:

• Curiosity is a good thing.
• Imagination removes barriers.
• Age should never be a limiting factor.
• You are unique.
• Anything is possible.

Cheers to your journey!